I received a question this morning:
How should I touch my partner when we are intimate in bed, at the beginning, before any sexual contact? My partner wants us to take things slowly, for me to touch her with love and not directly in a sexually way, and it’s difficult for me. It’s challenging both because I’m attracted to her and because, objectively, it’s difficult when she’s naked (even if she’s covered with a blanket). Additionally, I’ve come to realize that my approach doesn’t work. I’m not lashing out; I just struggle to touch her without it being sexual when we are together.”
This is a profound question that revolves around the man’s ability to maintain a pure frequency of intimacy that is non-sexual and built on friendship, rhythm, and trust at the beginning, without allowing it to become erotic or sexual before the woman is ready for it.
It’s akin to tending a real bonfire, ensuring it doesn’t exceed the boundaries I set for it in order to prevent the forest from burning.
Man = fire keeper.
There is a dual meaning here.
The fire = represents sexual energy.
For many men, their sexual journey is the journey from being driven by animalistic instincts to becoming more human.
Lust (here, now, quickly, must)
Transformed into love (calm, quiet, attuned to a woman’s needs)
It is a long and profound spiritual journey that begins with the choice to be born, to embrace humanity at the deepest level, so that the woman feels safe, loved, and seen. It’s a choice that needs to be made every day. It’s not a one-time decision.
You lead at her pace, her rhythm.
This is the music you need to learn, moment by moment.
Most of the journey is emotional and internal. It requires the man to choose personal growth, moving away from his animalistic nature towards his humanity, for the sake of the relationship, his daughters, and the world.
If the man approaches the woman primarily driven by lust, in most cases, she will withdraw because she doesn’t feel the emotional security to be sexual at her own pace (with exceptions when she is also at a similar frequency).
It’s a journey from your heart to hers, repeatedly.
This journey is not easy because the mind is filled with noisy thoughts, feelings, and fantasies. It requires daily practice of skills such as meditation, yoga, healing past traumas, cultivating self-love, and conscious communication.
There is so much more to say, but these are some initial thoughts.