Several years ago, I came across Esther Pearl’s book, “Erotic Intelligence.” 

The enticing title caught my attention, and I anticipated a fascinating read. 

Encountering a researcher who discusses sexuality as openly as I do, and who imparts profound wisdom on such a significant topic, brought me joy.

Upon delving deeper into the concepts she presents regarding the interplay between healthy, passionate sexual expression and the need for emotional distance within a partnership, a sense of disharmony permeated my entire being. 

Pearl claims that there is a paradox between love and desire, to my understanding primarily revolving around thrill-based sexuality. 

However, what I found lacking in her book was a reference to the passion that emanates from a profound emotional and spiritual closeness—one rooted in personal emotional responsibility and inner connection.

In many cases, sexuality based on excitement eventually succumbs to exhaustion, leading to a waning of desire. This decline occurs because it perpetually relies on external stimuli to provoke and awaken it, always seeking novelty. 

Conversely, when sexuality is anchored in connection to self, to open heart, and intimate closeness, desire not only endures but flourishes over the years. In contrast to the common experience of most couples, where desire tends to diminish and fade.